The Bunny Business is over. It was a great success. And I am so very tired.
My Lupus is not a fan of big, elaborate, multi-day, burn-the-candle-on-both-ends activities. To show its displeasure, my body is now acting out like a miserable, moody teenager.
I am so off-kilter that while making dinner last night, I tripped over an open cabinet, broke a measuring cup and nearly impaled the palm of my hand on the ensuing broken glass.
Then I sat down and cried. For almost a solid hour. I cried about the pain in my hand. I cried because my sinuses are inflamed, and I have been so very dizzy for days on end. I cried because I am so overwhelmingly overtired that I can’t get a hold of my emotions. I cried because I am only 38, and yet I have the limitations of someone much older than that. I cried because my mind is literally buzzing with creative ideas that I don’t seem to have the physical capabilities to carry through without hurting myself.
My sense is, regardless of physical ability, all creative people struggle with the limitations of time. With the feeling that they have so much to give, to share, to make, and never enough hours in the day to do so. As I write this, it is the very early morning hours – pre-dawn. I should be sleeping. But around 4 AM, my mind came alive with ideas for a local museum whose board I will probably join. And with things I want to write. So, I steal the opportunity, as I truly love to do, and confuse the cats and enjoy the silence of the house and try to satisfy my mind by at least putting things down on paper.
I was recently reminded about a TED talk and the mystical creativity of 4 AM, a thing I finally have come to appreciate.
What I especially adore about this TED talk is the emphasis on synchronicity – somehow, all the bits and pieces fit together in a way that is beyond mortal comprehension. I often feel that way about the activities I am drawn into. The Universe is bringing me opportunities to meet incredible people, learn, grow, and figure out who I am and what I really want from life through all of my creative and volunteer pursuits. I am in love with my new community, and the tribe I am finding here in my little corner of Ohio. I never dreamed I could feel so fulfilled by place. I see inspiration, and possibilities, and ideas everywhere I look. I can’t help myself but to share and get involved. And just because of who I am, I can never settle for less than the ideal in my mind.
The thing I need to wrap my creative, restless little brain around is how to find the balance. How to be and do and create all the things I am supposed to without burning myself out. Through the magic of synchronicity, I am sure the answers will come. Till then, I’ll keep dreaming big and napping hard.
Old, Pretty, and Slightly Broken 